#my favorite quote i’ve ever read was this one and it has always stuck with me

[poge-life]

𝕍𝕒𝕟𝕚𝕥𝕪 𝔽𝕒𝕚𝕣 ~ 𝔻𝕣𝕖𝕨 𝕊𝕥𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕖𝕪

“ I’m (y/n) (l/n) and we’re the cast of Outer Banks and today, we’re going to test how well we know each other.” You smiled looking between the camera and the group to your left. Carlacia raised her hand as she motioned between you and Drew, “Drew shouldn’t be allowed to answer any of these because none of us will even have a chance.”

Everyone let out sounds of agreement as you shook your head, reading the first question, “I don’t know. These are questions that made me think about my answer.”

“Okay, oo. This is a good one. What movie animal is my dog named after?”

“I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned this.” Drew told you but you shook your head in disagreement, “I’ve mentioned it before but I think it was when you guys first met him.”

“The adventures of Milo and Otis?” Chase asked and Madison agreed but you shook your head. Both Austin and Drew leaned forward to try and read the car but you quickly pulled away, tucking the card against your chest, “Cheaters!”

“What movie has a dog named Milo in it?”

“Oh! The mask! His dogs name is Milo!” Rudy answered and you flipped your card, showing ‘The Mask’, “I’m a huge Jim Carrey fan and since Milo is also a jack russell, it was fate.”

“Oo, you guys are never going to get this one,” you laughed, reading the card, “it literally took me so long to even think about this one. When I was 5, I jumped off the banister and had to get stitches. Where were the stitches?”

Everyone looked over at Drew, who would be the only one to remotely know the answer but he just tilted his head at you in thought.

“Your head?” Madelyn asked but you shook your head, “Nope. My sister did though. Cracked her head open.”

“How are you and your sister still alive?” Austin asked, looking at you in surprise as you shrugged before writing your answer on the card.

“Your legs?” JD asked, snapping his fingers at you

“Nope. Not even close.”

Drew clapped his hands once as he looked over at you, “Your tongue. You bit through your tongue and had to get 6 stitches.”

“Your tongue?!?” Madison asked, looking over at you in shock as you flipped your card, showing the answer, “Yes. I smacked my chin on the arm of the couch and bit right through my tongue. My tongue was stuck and I had to get stitches.”

“You just need to live in a bubble at this point, girl.” Carlacia laughed as everyone agreed with her.

“What do I think is the grossest thing a person can do?”

“THROWING UP!” Drew and JD shouted at the same time as they high fived. You cringed as you showed your card that read ‘throwing up’ as the answer.

“I hate throwing up. I hate the way I feel before, during, and after. It’s just so gross and gives me the ick.” You shuddered as Austin patted your leg, “The first time she threw up in front of us, she cried because of how grossed out she was.”

“That was traumatizing for all of us,” Rudy explained, “we were out on a boat and she just went very pale and threw up. Everywhere. We had no idea what had happened and then she just started bawling her eyes out. We all started panicking, thinking something was wrong but then she said how she hated throwing up and it just…it killed the whole vibe.”

You chucked the marker cap at Rudy, who ducked but went to retrieve it, “Sorry that being seasick killed the vibe, dillhole.”

Letting out a laugh at the nest question, you looked over at Drew and shook your head, “you’re not allowed to answer this one. You’ll get the answer right away.”

“I’ve known all of these, baby,” he winked and your face went red as you hid it behind the card, “just trying to give them a chance.”

“You guys gross me out.” Madelyn teased, looking between you two

“What is my favorite show to binge?” You asked, but you wrote down two possible answers.

“That 70s show is one.” Chase answered, “I always hear the theme song in your trailer and you quote it constantly.”

“You also watch the walking dead a lot too.” JD added, pointing to Chase, “you yell at your laptop a lot.”

“Dude, you have no idea how long it took me to get used to her yelling at the tv.” Drew told him, “the first time she did it, I thought she was pissed at me for no reason but she was just watching the walking dead.”

Everyone started talking about how into your shows you get, causing you to hold up your hands in protest, “Okay, okay! There’s nothing wrong with being passionate about movie and tv shows. But yes, that 70s show and the walking dead are my go to.”

“Two complete opposite shows, by the way.” Madison pointed out

“Oo, how many tattoos do I have?”

Everyone went quiet as they stared at you, no doubt picturing the tattoos that laid under your clothes. You had been purposely asked to wear a long sleeve top and pants to not let them get the answer so easily.

“I wanna say…12?” Carlacia asked, tilting her head at you, “Most of them are on your right arm but I know you have a few on your left. You have the fairy wings on your back…”

“I know you have a dinosaur on your leg because I drew a hat on it last week.” Austin answered, causing you to look up from writing your answer, furrowing your eyebrows at him, “you drew a hat on Terrance?”

“You named the dinosaur Terrance?” JD laughed as you nodded, “Terrance the triceratops.”

“Terry, for short.” Drew added, pointing at you as you nodded

“I wanna say 10 or 15.” Madison said, leaning forward, “I know you got P4L after season 2 came out.”

“You only had like 2 when the show started.”

“There’s a few you guys don’t know about cause they’re always covered.” You told them, going over your answer. Drew didn’t even miss a beat with his response, “Well, they don’t. But I do.”

“Okay! Who’s next?!”

[fortheunsungheros]

Out of curiosity- How much do you know abt ur fav character in The Outsiders?? My fav is Dallas, who was the sixth character to be introduced by pony in the book- hence my blog name lol

Dally’s full name was Dallas Tucker Winston (as we know)

was 17 (also as we know) and died just two months short of his birthday, which is November 9th, meaning the book begins in September on a Friday

got his disc memorized- you know the drill with him so I’ll keep it shortish: described as tow-headed with an elvish face, with high cheekbones and a sharp chin, small sharp animal like teeth and ears like a lynx, his hair was almost white it was so long, but he didn’t like haircuts or hairpins either so it went over his forehead in wisps and kicked out in the back in tufts along the nape of his neck and curled behind his ears. The shade difference between a greaser and a hood wasn’t present in Dally, he was a wild as a brumly boys, like Tim Shepard’s gang. He had pale icy blue eyes, cold with a hatred for the whole world- he didn’t have anything specific to hate. (So much for short- Read it 217 times since 7th grade)

gave pony the letter from soda and didn’t want to get beat tf up by Darry for giving pony the money and the gun

bought pony and Johnny food at Darry Queen :D

he showed up to the rumble with his arm burnt tf up and fought anyhow

Took Ponyboy to see Johnny because he knew he was dying in the hospital and wanted pony to seem him one last time too

he was born in 1948- since the book was finished in ‘65, I just subtracted 17 from there- so he would’ve been 76 this year :,(

on a lighter note, S.E. Hinton confirmed that he was most likely out of the gang to be scared of spiders- had me rolling 🤣

Lmao it got to the point where I gaslit myself into thinking he lived and Johnny lived based on a fic I read years ago and when I reread it this past month my whole reality with him shattered- please send help I can’t be the only one obsessed with a character to this degree🫠

Wow I think you’re more obsessed with this book than me 😭 HOW HAVE YOU READ IT 217 TIMES? I’m on my 3rd reread in the past 8 months or so.

But seriously wow! I’m glad I found someone who is as obsessed - if not more than me lol. Dallas is probably my 3rd favorite character (ik don’t come and find me lol) behind 2. Johnny and 1. Darry

Darry has always been my favorite character ever since I read the book for the first time. He just stuck out to me and I love his character so much. He also is played by Patrick Swayze and he is the finest man to ever walk the earth sooo. (Like seriously I’m obsessed with this man I’ve watched almost every movie he’s in please send help)

Even though Darry’s my favorite character I don’t know everything about him off hand lol. I’m just gonna make a list of everything I know off the top of my head about my favorite character (yes out of every book I’ve read he’s my favorite character, secondly being Katniss Everdeen if you would like to know lol)

• He’s 20 years old

• His full name is Darrel Shayne Curtis Jr (I say this at least twice a day idk don’t ask why)

• Don’t quote me on this but I think he was introduced last in the book

• He works as a roof repair man person

• His birthday is January 5th

• He’s the oldest brother (obviously)

• He is said to not be a greaser if it weren’t for his brothers and the rest of the gang

• Darry was a MESS when Johnny and Pony were at the church (DARREL STAYS UP ALL NIGHT LONG, TILL HE FINALLY FALLS ASLEEP BY THE TELEPHONEEE - Sodas Letter from the musical)

• Also he was the football captain in high school and was voted boy of the year

• Don’t ask me how I know this offhand (I need a hobby) but in the book Darry is one of the tallest if not the tallest greaser but Patrick Swayze isn’t crazy tall so in some of the photos you can see him standing on bricks to make him look taller lol

Okay that’s all I remember right now but I know more will come to me later lol. And also I sincerely believe also that the events in the book are fictional (well no shit) but like FICTIONAL in a FICTIONAL way. Like Ponyboy definitely just needed a good grade so made up a bs story lmao. I really have tricked myself into thinking both Johnny and Dally are alive and well and the gang is still partying in Tulsa.

ALSO thank you for this ask it was really fun to do!

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

This is it, right? The album is finally out. I'm happy for Jimin. I've been listening to it since the morning and I think he did a great job for a first solo release. He showed he's capable of doing it on his own and make his mark. I hope good things come to him in the future.

I'm not going to analyze the album, or the music video for Like Crazy. This is the end of the road for me. It's time to move on. I know I said I will be here until he finishes the promotions, but life intervenes and sometimes in the best of ways. This is that situation.

First, some basic points. I won't delete the blog. I've worked too hard and a lot on it. Maybe other people will find it at some point and will see something interesting to read. I will not make any posts in the future or answer any private messages. I had some great conversations here for which I'm grateful.

I will not offer any other platform where I can be reached out. I'm getting out of the K-Pop world completely and I want to do this by leaving everything behind. From strictly a music perspective, I might follow Jimin's official schedule for the album if I'm in the mood for it, but nothing else apart from that, followed by the clean cut approach.

I made this blog during a period in which I was ignoring other writing responsibilities. It was escapism, just like getting into BTS at the beginning of the pandemic. I'm not regretting anything. I rediscovered the pleasure of writing and doing it on my own terms. I've wrote some of my favorite pieces here. They might not be the best ever, but I enjoyed every second of it and I'm proud of my writing.

I've said before that I will leave this blog when it's no longer enjoyable. I didn't keep my word and I just dragged it for months. I clearly wasn't having fun anymore, but I couldn't let go. It's familiar, part of my routine, what will I do next? But I realized that just because some aspects are positive, it doesn't mean I have to be stuck with something that doesn't represent me anymore.

I've also lost interest in BTS and K-Pop in general. I've spent three years being a fan, but also in a position of a sort of researcher. I feel like I've reached a point in which the knowledge I currently have is enough. My passion and curiosity is what drives me in everything that I do and get interested into. Now it's time to move on to other things.

I used this blog as an outlet for my rational side as well, writing publicly what I was trying to tell myself when I reacted emotionally to various aspects in this fandom. I was splitting myself because I couldn't deal or admit how some things affected me. But in the end, that's not entirely healthy. Balance is the key and I couldn't actually find it.

I want to borrow a quote from Miss Penny Lane, taken completely out of context, but this is something that I want to tell myself and to anyone who has been reading this blog. ''never take it seriously, if ya never take it seriously, ya never get hurt, ya never get hurt, ya always have fun''. 

Not everything has to be turned into a discourse, nothing is as important and as essential as one might think when we're deep into fandom spaces. Enjoy the song, the media content, the relationship, regardless of its nature, without letting it take over your life. It's not worth it.

Goodbye,

BMT

[staticl0ve]

Hi pookiebear bbg♥️ the kids miss you..

🍌In your opinion, what's the funniest joke/ reference/pun you've made in a fic? (I cant wait for this answer)

🍎Is there anything you straight-up won't write?

🫐What's your favorite underrated thing in your fandom? (A ship that only you seem to write for, a character there's almost no fics about, a trope that criminally hasn't been written yet, etc.)

LOVE YOU ♥️♥️♥️

Pookiebear?! 🧍🏻‍♀️ Now, listen here schnookum—

Also goodness, it’s been so long since I’ve been writing that it’s going to take me a minute to dig through my dusty memory!

And as always 🩵🩵 thank you love! Can’t wait to be less busy and get back to writing!

-

🍌 In your opinion, what’s the funniest joke/reference/pun you’ve made in a fic?

It’s funny to me cause at this point in my writing experience (pretty fresh), I was still a little unsure about writing smut. I’m not sure what came over me, I almost didn’t include this part but felt like the humor really matched the ridiculous rom-com theme of the story. There’s a moment in Things I Hate About You where I interrupt the smut with a magazine quote about bj’s. 🤣

“You’re just full commando here?” He smirked arrogantly, “I am a machine, what do I need underwear for?” Gossip Weekly’s top three ways to wipe the smirk off of your average male android? Tip number one: our experts conclude that nothing pleases the deviated male android more than watching their human partner serving their phallus (that’s suck him off, for you primates).

🍎Is there anything you straight-up won't write?

Hmmmmmmmmmm. Besides the typical list of non-con, incest, and other extremely dark themes…

It’s not a won’t write, but more of a not interesting to me anymore: a typical canon rewrite where the story follows the game canon but what if reader/OC was in it. I know I’ve done it before and as the first fic I’d ever written, it was great for experimenting with finding a writing style and relying on canon for character voice.

However, now, I find it less interesting to stick super close to canon and much prefer AUs cause I find that the focus will be about the characters as they are and the theme of the story, rather than being stuck on a prescribed plot line.

🫐What's your favorite underrated thing in your fandom? (A ship that only you seem to write for, a character there's almost no fics about, a trope that criminally hasn't been written yet, etc.)

So I wrote Sixty first but then I really thought it this (and will keep the part about Sixty cause I love him). Markus is kinda underrated in some ways. In comparison to Connor, he’s got a lot less art and writing unless it’s Markus paired with either Connor or Simon.

I’d love to read a story that captures the gilded cage, humbled machine journey of a broken (literally) machine rise from the ashes to become a guiding force of a civil rights movement. Screw David Cage’s bland writing, I’m talking about how I’d love to see the side of Markus that is burdened and tempted by power.

I want to see a story that explores how Markus isn’t infallible, perfect, and selfless because “the power feels good.” People like to say North is the violent and unfeeling one, but I blame David Cage’s poor writing on that. Markus is just as capable of being calculated and brutal. I’d love to see a Markus that understands the hatred and anger in his people’s hearts and his own struggle to be objective and fair as a leader.

Ok. Now to Sixty.

Sixty!!! The boy needs more love. He has actual screen time, so much potential to juxtapose against Connor and yet, it’s Nines who has barely any screen time and no voice but all sorts of fan created works!

It’s such a tragedy cause you can input as much fanon as you want in either Sixty or Nines but Sixty is never picked. 😭🩵✨

-

🍉 Ask me anything! Writer fruit ask! 🍉

[tarabyte3]

I was hoping to have this to you a little earlier for your ✨birthday!✨but I got so stuck on picking a favorite quote from i want you to show me weak - every exchange they have is just *chef’s kiss*!

These were my other favorites (plus everything towards the end but I didn’t want to spoil it):

“I will always come back to you.”

You have consumed me, Kino Loy. I have given you everything.

"You're a fucking brat," he growls at you. / "And you love it," you say in your own husky voice.

"Because you weren't made for them. You're mine," he snarls. "And you will for me."

None of it matters but him. Because your heart knows him in a way it has never known anyone else, and in a way no one else has ever known him. He's only shown you his previously hidden depths and desires. Surely that is enough for now and the rest will follow.

This story is so beautifully crafted and I’m obsessed with the emotion you’ve woven into their story and relationship. Such a comfort read! I’ve been really wanting to make something for you, I hope you like this. Happy Birthday, again! So happy to know you 💖

JESS. WHAT. NO WAY. ARE YOU EVEN SERIOUS.

I'm going to cry! 😭 Your graphics are always incredible, and I am beyond honored you made one for my fic. It's beautiful and wonderful and sexy and SO SWEET. 🥹 I LOVE it! Thank you so much! I'm so happy to know you, too, my friend. 💖💕

[gummybugg]

Writer Questions Tag

Thanks for the tag @my-cursed-prince! I decided to make a Separate post because I didn't want to clog things up :')

Tagging these people to hop on in (optionally): @frostedlemonwriter, @another-white-hole, @rickie-the-storyteller, @rhikasa, @talesfromaurea & Anyone else who wants to fill out questions!

1) What is your absolute all-time favorite idea you've ever had?

My all-time Favorite idea is actually just the Creation of the Crater City crew. It’s probably something to do with how the story began as a Joke and then evolved into something a bit More. It’s also a great Break from writing Magniloquent essays :’)

2) Is there a question you've been asked in the past that really stands out to you and you still think about sometimes?

I believe that would be “How did you come up with this?” And this question can Really be referring to formal writing or writing I do as a hobby. Either way, I do not know! Everything is a culmination of my Experiences + a Group of synapses accidentally fist bumping!

🌀🤜🤛🌀

3) What is your favorite part of being a writer? What parts could you take or leave?

I really Love the way that I get to see my characters on the page in Clear writing instead of being Stuck in a sticky, ambiguous Cloud in my head. I also Love when ideas come to me at Random and my Subconscious is in on the action, too. It’s like a party in here! I think the only part I dislike is the time I spend away from writing and how Difficult it is to get back into the Groove.

4) What is your greatest motivation to write/create?

My greatest Motivation is seeing how my characters interact! It fuels me to write more dialogue 💖

I also just enjoy Stringing words together, and Always have since I was a Small child.

5) What is the best piece of advice you've ever read or been given as a writer?

Do not throw away Your writing Scraps because they will/can be relevant Later. No more tears! You can still have this Ending, even if it’ll be in Another timeline! :’)

6) What do you wish you knew when you were first starting out writing?

I wish I knew that I didn’t have to Halt creative writing just because I had Writer’s Block for one story. It’s been on Pause since 2017, and I have since Moved on until I am ready to resume. I chalk it up to not having “It” at the moment; i.e., the Mindset to keep writing that WIP.

I also wish I had Every Single draft saved in one app/device. I was young and didn’t know writing apps Existed so I saved everything via the standard Notes App. When I had to Reset my phone, my notes went along with the Reset, aha! So I had to force myself to Remember the Important details early on.

7) What is your favorite story you've written TO COMPLETION? Link it if you'd like and can!

Bold of you to Assume I’ve ever completed a story! But I Would like to complete a story within the next 5 years, Yes.

8) What is your favorite out-of-the-box quote?

Not really Sure where I put that one Quote, but maybe someday it will come to me!

9) Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so and how do you personally feel about their ideals?

Darcy from Crater City has a pretty Controversial mindset. For context, Darcy is a designer baby (for Lack of better words) and was created with the intent that he pull Humanity (Neo-civilization) out of the post-apocalyptic Dark Age. However, his methods of doing so aren’t exactly “Ethical” as many would say.

Darcy Does want to help humanity, it’s true! But in his mind, the only way to save Humanity is by reprogramming Mother Nature, so to speak. It’s not like there’s much Left to work with, he reasons. “Humans were given the gift of insatiable curiosity for a reason. It would be wasteful not to use our God-given potential to take advantage of the cards we were dealt,” he says.

What do I Think of this? Well, I know it’s controversial. If You were in Darcy’s shoes, would You do whatever it takes to save the world no matter the risks?

10) If You when you first started writing met You now, what would younger you think?

I started writing when I was five or six!

I’m not sure what Younger me would think, probably that I’m saying big words and that I’m making no sense at all whatsoever. Perhaps Younger me would show Present me the cool stories I wrote and characters I made up on the spot, and Present me would take notes. Little does Younger me know that I actually have some of my old work saved from all those years ago!

Perhaps Younger me would think that I am So experienced and learned and must have written 10 books by now, but Alas. Maybe someday, Younger me.

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Tagging @writeouswriter for Crater City content!

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Blank questions below!

1) What is your absolute all-time favorite idea you've ever had?

2) Is there a question you've been asked in the past that really stands out to you and you still think about sometimes?

3) What is your favorite part of being a writer? What parts could you take or leave?

4) What is your greatest motivation to write/create?

5) What is the best piece of advice you've ever read or been given as a writer?

6) What do you wish you knew when you were first starting out writing?

7) What is your favorite story you've written TO COMPLETION? Link it if you'd like and can!

8) What is your favorite out-of-the-box quote?

9) Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so and how do you personally feel about their ideals?

10) If You when you first started writing met You now, what would younger you think?

[aquiescentraconteur]

My dear girl,

What a night.

I went to sleep peacefully yesterday. I make a point of re-reading old books that meant something to me at certain points in my life. This exercise allows me the possibility of understanding things through new lenses, under new perspectives. Re-reading a text that meant something to you in the past is a great way of knowing yourself in the present. You’ll find new favorite quotes and form new opinions over old ones. I’ve been wrapped around ‘Sense and Sensibility’ for the last weeks. My concept of Jane Austen is ever-changing, every time I grab a book by her, I’ve read in my adolescence I find a new woman in them. I appreciate new things about her, about her work. I learned a little bit about being feminine with her, the elegance and poise she describes the main characters with have been guiding lights in my earlier years. Last night I rediscovered something new about being feminine. The notion of being feminine encompasses a lot, from girly tastes to strong opinions, being a woman is always something very idiosyncratic.  

Yesterday, Elinor Dashwood – the composed and affectionate heroine of the story – showed me that being a woman is also about being argumentative, reckless and impatient. I have always been stuck between doing the right thing throughout my life. Somehow along the way, failing never became an option, mistakes were illicit, and errors were seen as an outage to the person I envisioned myself to become. It’s a heavyweight I must tell you, it has placed me in difficult situations where I end up hurting myself to protect others. Elinor, through her toughness, conveyed to me a very special lesson: forgiving the follies of others does not mean you must understand it, it means you mustn’t allow it to hurt you again. You can acquire a few sentiments of empathy and even understanding over someone’s situation, but it is your choice if it ever hurts you again. Forgiveness is about moving on, without an apology or a conversation, it’s about choosing to close a door that no longer leads anywhere. My love, you can close doors all by yourself, do not wait around for the automatic mechanism to do it for you. That is not the woman I raised.

When someone chooses to repeat mistakes that hurt you in the past, you must close the door, it no longer leads you to where you’re supposed to be. When someone perpetuates acts that wound you deeply, that shatter your heart into a million pieces, close the door before you’re out of strength to do it. This is why I’ll always tell you “If you want to know how someone really feels about you, do not use feelings or thoughts. Look at their actions.” I saw a movie once where the guy proclaimed his love repeatedly, over and over again, he said: “-I’m in love with you, you’re the love of my life.”, to this, the girl asked: “-Where? Where is this love? I can’t see it.”. This is it; this is what I mean. One can tell you he loves you, one can even think he does, but if he can’t show it, leave, close the damn door sweetie. It is not your job, and it never will be, to take responsibility for other peoples’ needs.

Be reckless, be opinionative and make mistakes. You will hurt peoples’ feelings sometimes, and although I know you won’t do it on purpose, I would rather have them hurt than you. I’m not saying you have an excuse to be an idiot, that’s not what I’m saying. What I want you to do is to live freely, without fearing making mistakes, without being intimidated or frightened by what it means to be a woman. I never want you to be petrified of being alone or afraid to act accordingly to it if you feel the need to.

I’ll always be here my angel, and I’m sure there will be others. There will be others who have fallen in love with you and that will stick by your side no matter what. Collect these people, they’re the ones making this experience worth it.

Love,

Mom, June 23th 2023

[jeagerism]

my top 2022 books

i read a good few this year, but these are the ones that continued to stick with me, so. my books and my favorite quotes from em!

the cruel prince (holly black)

[enemies to lovers W.]

- "most of all, i hate you because i think of you. often. it's disgusting, and i can't stop."

- "but i will not stand in front of your happiness. i will not even stand in front of misery that you choose for yourself."

- "i hate him more than all the others. i hate him so much that sometimes when i look at him, i can hardly breathe."

- "what if the way i am is the way i am? what if, when everything else is different, i’m not?"

- "it occurs to me that if i kill him, i can finally stop thinking about him. if i kill him, i won't have to feel like this anymore."

the wicked king (holly black)

[my favorite out of the entire series]

- "kiss me again,” he says, drunk and foolish. “kiss me until i am sick of it."

- "if you’re the sickness, i suppose you can’t also be the cure."

- "yes, my great villan, my darling god. i will be as sober as a stone carving, just as soon as i can."

- "and the single last thing in my head: that i like him better than i’ve ever liked anyone and that of all the things he’s ever done to me, making me like him so much is by far the worst."

the queen of nothing (holly black)

[enemies to unfortunate allies to lovers to enemies to lovers comes into fruition. i love this series with my whole heart.]

- "come home and shout at me. come home and fight with me. come home and break my heart, if you must. just come home."

- "by you, i am forever undone."

- "it’s you i love,” he says. “i spent much of my life guarding my heart. i guarded it so well that i could behave as though i didn’t have one at all. even now, it is a shabby, worm-eaten, and scabrous thing. but it is yours.” he walks to the door to the royal chambers, as though to end the conversation. “you probably guessed as much,” he says. “but just in case you didn’t."

turtles all the way down (john green)

[this book is so incredibly important to me. i relate to it a great deal, and john green has always been a favorite of mine. his words are ones that stick with you, and there's absolutely nothing that could stop that. this is probably my favorite book i read this year.]

- "your now is not your forever."

- "you're both the fire and the water that extinguishes it. you're the narrator, the protagonist, and the sidekick. you're the storyteller and the story told. you are somebody's something, but you are also your you."

- "i was so good at being a kid, and so terrible at being whatever i was now."

- "i wanted to tell her that i was getting better, because that was supposed to be the narrative of illness: it was a hurdle you jumped over, or a battle you won. illness is a story told in the past tense."

- "she noted, more than once, that the meteor shower was happening, beyond the overcast sky, even if we could not see it. who cares if she can kiss? she can see through the clouds."

- "i thought, lying there, that i might love him for the rest of my life. we did love each other—maybe we never said it, and maybe love was never something we were in, but it was something i felt. i loved him, and i thought, maybe i will never see him again, and i'll be stuck missing him, and isn't that so terrible."

- "but what i want to know is, is there a you independent of circumstances? is there a way-down-deep me who is an actual, real person, the same person if she has money or not, the same if she goes to this school or that school? or am i only a set of circumstances?"

- "dr. singh told me once that if you have a perfectly tuned guitar and a perfectly tuned violin in the same room, and you pluck the d string of a guitar, then all the way across the room, the string on the guitar will also vibrate. i could always feel my mother's vibrating strings."

- "when observation fails to align with a truth, what do you trust--your senses or your truth? the greeks didn't even have a word for blue. the color didn't exist to them. couldn't see it without a word for it.

i think about her all the time. my stomach flips when i see her. but is it love, or just something we don't have a word for?"

the girls i've been (tess sharpe)

[it's hard to find quotes from this book, as it's just the act of reading it in general and experiencing it that's so inherently special, so emotionally impacting, that you've got to read it to know. it's a story about girlhood and being a mother and being a daughter to a mother who doesn't know how to be one. it's so good.]

- "practically everyone thinks they’re smarter than a teenage girl. it’s what makes being one so powerful, if you know how to use that giant mistake of an assumption."

love on the brain (ali hazelwood)

[oh god yeah i'm a romance novel gal now.]

- "you don't even have to admit to yourself that you love me, bee. god knows i love you enough for the both of us."

- "i know what she smells like. this little freckle on her neck when she pulls up her hair. her upper lip is a little plumper than the lower. the curve of her wrist, when she holds a pen. it’s wrong, really wrong, but i know the shape of her. i go to sleep thinking about it, and then i wake up, go to work, and she is there, and it’s impossible. i tell her stuff i know she’ll agree to, just to hear her hum back at me. it’s like hot water down my fucking spine. she’s married. she’s brilliant. she trusts me... and i want to tell her. i want to tell her that she’s luminous, she’s so bright in my mind, sometimes i can’t focus. sometimes i forget why i came into the room. i’m distracted. i want to buy her flowers, food, books. i want to hold her hand, and i want to lock her in my bedroom. she’s everything i ever wanted and i want to inject her into my veins and also to never see her again. there’s nothing like her and these feelings, they are fucking intolerable. they were half-asleep while she was gone, but now she’s here and my body thinks it’s a fucking teenager and i don’t know what to do. i don’t know what to do. there is nothing i can do, so i’ll just . . . not."

- "here’s the honesty: i’m in love with you. but that’s not news. not to me, and not to you, i don’t think. not if you’re honest with yourself—which you say you are, right?"

when the moon was ours (anna-marie mclemore)

[this is a book about growing up trans and as a poc in a town full of white cis people. it's so good, it leaves me endlessly undone. it's so special to me. it's about teenage love and family and culture, and it's just the best. this whole book is poetry.]

- "the difference between baptism and drowning is a few faithless breaths."

- "the way he loved her was his, even if she wasn’t."

- "we don't get to become who we are for nothing. it costs something. you're fighting for every little piece of yourself. and maybe i got all of me at once but i lost everything else. don't you dare think there's any water in the world that makes this easy."

[cowcreamers]

“The one standing in infinite glory is you; the one fallen from grace is also you. What matters is ‘you’ and not the state of you.”

happy birthday to our one and only san lang ♡

[gammija]

The final Web!Martin evidence list

Now that canon is done, and we’ve got word of god confirmation that Web!Martin wasn’t complete nonsense, I decided to go back to my lil chronological evidence list and actually clean it up a bit, delete parts that in hindsight weren't all that indicative, and put everything in a slightly more readable format. (Obligatory disclaimer that i don’t and never did believe or advocate for some kind of evil web!martin, and that I'm not intending to connect a moral judgement to martin (or anyone else for that matter) having some of these traits)

So here: The (hopefully, please) final list with Web!Martin Evidence! Presented in order of importance, according to. me

The final (hopefully) Web!Martin evidence list

(In order from most to least obvious)

Spiders

I mean, it’s called the Web. TMA reiterates quite a few times that Martin liked spiders. Sometimes it IS that easy.

MAG022: Martin: "I like spiders. Big ones, at least. Y’know, y’know the ones you can see some fur on; I actually think they’re sort of cute -"

MAG038: | Sasha: "A spider?" Jon: "Yeah. I tried to kill it…" [...] Sasha: [Chuckles] "Well, I won’t tell Martin." Jon: "Oh, god. I don’t think I could stand another lecture on their importance to the ecosystem."

MAG059: Jon: "I have done my best to prevent Martin reading this statement in too much detail. I have no interest in having another argument about spiders."

MAG079: Jon: "Apparently, biologically, his account of the spiders doesn’t make any sense according to Martin."

MAG197: Martin: “What? Because I like spiders? Well, used to.”

Lies and subterfuge

Martin is able to use lying and subterfuge to achieve his goals, and is called manipulative a few times.

Lies:

MAG022: Martin: "[He] became slightly more co-operative after I lied to him and told him that one of the upstairs residents had buzzed me in."

MAG056: Martin: "I lied on my CV."

MAG158: Peter: “But you said –” Martin: “Honestly, I mostly just said what I thought you wanted to hear.”

MAG164: Jon: "You – I actually believed you!"

MAG189: Martin: “Sorry. Sorry, John. Not sure how much everything up there actually understood what was going on. But, y’know, I didn’t want to take any chances so it made sense to… um…” Jon: “Put on a show?” Martin: “Yeah, basically, more or less.”

MAG191: Martin: "That's not true." Arun: "Liar!"

Subterfuge:

The plan in 118, which revolved around convincing Elias that Martin was only “acting out”, to create a distraction for Melanie. (Also compare the way he evades giving a straight answer here with the way Annabelle talks in 196.)

Working with Peter in s4 under false pretenses, to distract him from Jon and eventually try to learn what Peter wanted.

Manipulation accusations:

These, I know, are somewhat contentious, since it’s mostly villains saying this to him. I’m still including them, since

1): From a media analysis standpoint, being mentioned 3 times is a sign to pay attention, even when it may not be the full truth.

2): I only see it as describing Martin’s behaviour in the previous points, not as a moral judgement; Especially since he almost always ‘manipulates’ people in positions of power over him.

Still, if it bothers anyone, feel free to ignore these.

MAG138: Martin: "That’s it? No, no monologue, no mind games? You love manipulating people!" Elias: "That makes two of us."

MAG186: Martin: “I can be a real manipulative prick, you know that?” Also Martin: “Oh yeah.”

MAG196: Annabelle: “Because you always managed to get what you wanted through smiles and shrugs and stammerings that weren’t nearly as awkward as they seemed.” [SMALL SOUND OF MARTIN’S CONCESSION TO THE POINT] Martin: “Point taken.”

The Lonely/the Web

The Lonely and the Web sometimes affect Martin to similar degrees.

In season 3, when Martin is getting used to reading statements for the first time, most of them leave him emotionally affected: MAG084, MAG088, MAG090,

MAG095: Martin: “S-S-Statement… done.” [HEAVY BREATHING & TREMBLING AS MARTIN STEADIES HIMSELF] “I don’t like recording these. There. I-I said it.”,

MAG098: Martin: [Panting] “End of statement.” [Deep breath] “I, um, I think I might need to sit down. Oh. Yeah, I am. Right. I don’t, uh, I’m not really sure if these are actually getting easier or harder. I mean I don’t feel –”

Only the last two statements he reads are remarkably easier. This might be a hint that Martin is just getting used to reading them, but the quote from MAG098 seems to contradict that. Either way, it’s likely not a coincidence that those last two happen to be the Lonely and the Web:

MAG108: Martin: “Statement ends.” (exhale) “That wasn’t so bad…”

MAG110: Martin: “Statement ends.” [...] “I mean, I think it sounds like a Jurgen Leitner book. About spiders. Hm. Good John didn’t have to read this one, anyway. I know he’s not a fan. Although, this one wasn’t too bad, actually! I – yeah. Anyway.”

In season 5, there are two powers’ Domains that actually affected Martin mentally, as opposed to only physically: the Lonely’s, in 170 (and arguably 186), and, depending on your interpretation, in 172, when Martin went exploring without knowing why he did so.

Proximity

Martin investigates a lot of the Web statements during season 1 to 3 (in other words, when the archive team still researches statements). The only ones he isn’t mentioned in during this period are MAG019 and MAG020, when he’s being harrassed by worms, and MAG081, which Jon records by himself outside of the institute.

Most notably, he’s the one who discovered the statement in MAG114, ‘Cracked Foundations’, which is the one statement in the entire show that sets up the interdimensional properties of HTR.

The Web!Lighter passed through Martin's hands first, before he gave it to Jon.

Similarly, Annabelle mostly spoke to Martin in season 5, despite most other Avatars usually focusing on Jon.

Aesthetics

Apart from the above obviously Web related areas, there are some other aesthetics which are mentioned in connection to both the Web and Martin, throughout canon.

These are describing the Web;

These are describing Martin.

Tapes:

Martin is the only character to treat the tape recorders as friends - any other character is either indifferent, or treats them as enemies.

MAG039: Martin: "I think the tapes have a sort of… low-fi charm."

MAG154 Martin: “Oh. Hi. Hello again.” … (small laugh) “Sorry pal, false alarm this time.”

MAG156 Martin: “Mm? Oh.” [HE LAUGHS, GENTLY.] “Yeah. (rustling paper) I was going to read one. Hate for you to miss it!” [SHORT, FORCED LAUGH, AS HE FLAPS THE STATEMENT AROUND.]

MAG170 Martin: “Oh. Oh, hello. What’s this? Wow, retro! What are you up to, little buddy; just – listening? That’s okay. It’s nice to have someone to talk to.”

MAG190 Jon: "[The tapes] seem to like [Martin]."

Retro:

MAG069: Statement: “I only saw Annabelle Cane once during this period. She wasn’t hard to pick out. She dressed like a vintage clothing store exploded on her, and her short bleach-blonde hair stood out sharply against dark skin.”

MAG160: Jon: “Anyways, don’t tell me the phonebox down there doesn’t appeal to your retro aesthetic.” Martin: “It – might. Maybe.”

MAG163: Annabelle/the Web callying Martin via an old payphone: [ A PHONE RINGS. IT’S NOT THE TINNY, ELECTRONIC SOUND OF A CELLPHONE – NO, THIS IS A TRUE, HEAVY, CLASSIC RING.] Martin: “Uh. John? Uh, J, John – the, uh, payphone that’s – here, for some reason – it’s ringing?”

Hatred of burns:

MAG067: Jack Barnabas’ statement: “I looked up and noticed within the corner of the room, where there had been a spider’s web this morning, there was just a faint wisp of smoke.” “Another held a bag that seemed to be full of candles, while a third had a clear plastic container filled with hundreds of tiny spiders.”

MAG139: Statement by member of Cult of the Lightless Flame: “The Mother of Puppets has always suffered at our hand; all the manipulation and subtle venom in the world means nothing against a pure and unrestrained force of destruction and ruin.” Agnes burned down Hilltop Road.

MAG145: The Web ties Gertrude to Agnes, stopping the Desolation’s ritual (the only Power whose ritual the Web is known to have prevented).

MAG167: Gertrude enlists Agnes’/the Desolation’s help in order to burn her assistant Emma, who was Web aligned.

MAG169: Martin: "Look, I just – don’t want to get burned, all right? It’s, it’s like my least favorite pain ever. [...] I, I legitimately hate burns, alright? They’re, they’re awful, and they scar horribly, and they just – it – it just makes me sick; I, I hate it. Hate it!"

Phrasing:

MAG039: Martin: "I’m trapped here. It’s like I can’t… move on and the more I struggle, the more I’m stuck. [...] It's just that whatever web these statements have caught you in, well, I’m there too. We all are, I think."

MAG079: Martin's poem: "The threads of people walking, living, lovi–"

MAG117: Martin: "This last couple of years, I’ve always been running, always hiding, caught in someone else’s trap, but, but now it’s my trap, and, well, I think it’ll work. I know, I know it’s not exactly intricate, but it felt good leaving my own little web. Oh, oh, Christ, I hope John doesn’t actually listen to these. “Good lord, is Martin becoming some sort of spider person?” No, John, it’s an expression, chill out! Besides, spiders are fine. I mean, yes, people are scared of them, obviously, but actual spiders, they just want to help you out with flies."

MAG167: Jon: “Methinks the Spider dost protest too much.” Martin: “Jon –” Jon: “Joking! Just joking.”

Personality:

How applicable these are depends heavily on how you interpret Martin's own personality, so your mileage may vary.

MAG008: Statement: “Nobody ever said a word against Raymond himself, though, who was by all accounts a kind and gentle soul [...]”

MAG123: Jon: "The Web does seem to have a preference for those who prefer not to assert themselves."

MAG147: Annabelles statement: "I discovered a deep and enduring talent inside myself for lying. [...] My manipulations were not intricate, but they were far beyond what was expected of a child my age, and I have always believed that the key to manipulating people is to ensure that they always under- or overestimate you. Never reveal your true abilities or plans."

Word of God and Annabelle

I kinda wanted to ‘prove’ that Web!Martin had quite a bit of evidence to back it up, hence this header being last. But of course, in this post-canon world, there are a few lines that most obviously confirm the theory:

MAG197: Martin is Web enough to be able to read the 'vibrations', like Annabelle, and see Jon and Basira (the latter being especially notable, as he hadn't known she was there beforehand): [CHITTERING, BUZZING AND HIGH-PITCHED SQUEALS CHANGE CADENCE] Martin: "Wait… Wait, hang on, is that him?" Annabelle: "Yes. I guess you’re better with the Web than we thought." Martin: "And – Wait, ha– No, uh… is that… Basira? He – He’s got Basira with him!" Annabelle: "Yes."

Season 5 Q&A part 2: Jonny: “Essentially, it was fascinating looking at the fandom and, like, the Web!Martin believers, because what they were doing was correctly picking up on hints dropped in the early seasons that were later, like, not exactly abandoned, but it was much more like, ‘Well, no, he does have like aspects of The Web to him, but he is moreover The Lonely.’ And that came about very… very organically, really. Because throughout Season 3 and going into Season 4, we had this conversation and we were like, ‘No, actually he's like-” Alex: “‘It can't be, it cannot be, it must be the other way round’ Yeah.”

(Note that they say “throughout season 3 and going into season 4,” which likely means that season 1, season 2, and at least part of season 3, aka half of the entire show, were written with Web!Martin as an intentional possibility.)

If you read all that, thanks so much! Obviously, Web!Martin never really came to fruition, so it's fine if you still don't like it. This is just a post explaining where it was coming from, at least for me and the other theorists I've spoken to.

[delphoxqueen]

Howleen Wolf’s Diary- Wave 3 (2011)

{Go to the bottom of the page for the actual diary pages!}

This Diary Belongs to:

Howleen Wolf

No, you can’t read my diary… duh!

Name: Howleen Wolf

School: Monster High

On the 20th of July

Clawd got to go away to football camp, Clawdeen got to go to Gloom Beach with Draculaura and Frankie on the Stein family vacation, and I have to stay at home this summer cause my parents think I’ve got some “growing up to do.” It is so not scare! I’m just as mature as Clawd and Clawdeen. I hardly ever chew anything I’m not supposed to anymore, Clawdeen says I don’t take showers but that’s not true- I just don’t take them as long as she does! I don’t think age has anything to do with being mature either cause I have this friend who is a gargoyle and she’s like way older than me- okay well it’s not like gargoyles count their birthdays the same way as werewolves do but she is totally not mature. I mean she likes a new boy like almost every day and most of them are not even that cute. I would never do that- you know not like a boy if he wasn’t cute cause I would so like a boy who was sweet and nice to me even if he wasn’t totally creepy cute. I can keep secrets too which my other friend who’s a banshee can’t do. If you tell her something, she like screams it out at the top of her lungs. Even Clawdeen totally treats me like I’m still a little cub. Not only did she take all of her most creepy cool clothes with her to Gloom Beach but she also put a lock and chain on her closet. Whatever… I’m going to sleep in her bed and eat all the snacks she left in her mini-fridge. Then I’m going to let every monster know how miserable I am by not talking for the rest of the summer. Yeah, that’ll really show mom and dad how mature I am.

On the 25th of July

Ode to Cushion.

Cushion is my hedgehog. She is sharp and poky. Cushion eats worms. My sister thinks eating worms is gross. My sister has to leave the room when I feed Cushion. Would you like another worm? Good Cushion. The End.

On the 30th of July

Some days I wish I had a remote control that let me change the channel on my style- cause right now I feel like I’m totally stuck watching the same lame… lol that rhymed… show over and over. When we were Cubs, Clawdeen I could watch the same episode of a TV show over and over and never get bored. I can still quote entire shows by heart and sometimes just saying a random line like, “Well, it’s certainly uncontaminated by cheese,” can make us laugh till we howl if I say it at the right time. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, the remote control. I’d love to change the channel on the show my hair is starting in, because I really hate how it ends. Oh well, hopefully dying it orange to go with my favorite color of blue will make it easier to watch. Now I just have to decide do I turn up the volume to 10 by combining Stripes and plaids or maybe I’ll mix a jean vest, knee socks and hiking boots with one of Clawdeen’s haunt couture skirts and make it go to 11.

On the 1st of August

Clawdeen came home today and she actually gave me a hug when she saw me. I guess I kind of missed her a little, or maybe a lot, too. She is my big sis after all, even if she is a pain in the fang sometimes.

On the 18th of August

I was in a boo funk this morning and I must have sighed one to many times cause Mom told me if I was going to mope around the house and get in her way then I either had to grab a broom and help her clean or go mope somewhere else. I think “mope” is a funny word… it sounds like it could be a character in a cub’s book… “There once was a mope who wouldn’t use soap and though its mom begged it always said, “Nope.” So I took my mope and went to the Maul. I didn’t really have enough money to buy anything cool but I went anyway. Going to the Maul always makes Clawdeen happy doesn’t matter if she’s by herself or in a group. It only makes me happy if I’m hanging out there with my friends- who were all doing something else today. I saw Heath Burns and Deuce haunting out but I only said “Hi”. Deuce is cool but Heath is… Heath. Clawdeen says Heath’s like a stray puppy; “If you feed him anything he’ll follow you home.” So I kept on walking and didn’t stop to talk. I looked through a few shops and was going to head home when I walked by the music store and heard some monster playing a guitar. It sounded pretty clawsome and I just had to go in and check it out. What was even more clawsome was that it was a ghoul who was playing. I was totally staring at her… lame I know, but honest to claw it was like some kind of magic spell… okay it was still lame to stare. Then she turned around and caught me staring. I thought she was going to be mad but instead she waved me over. I found out that her name is Operetta and that she is going to be starting at Monster High in the fall. Her hair is redder than mine and she’s got this creepy cool beauty mark on the left side of her face that goes all the way down her arm. She also has this accent that’s a total howl. I asked if she would teach me how to play but she said “No.” I was disappointed but she explained that she loved playing and singing more than anything and if I took lessons from her she would expect me to love it as much as she did. She told me that she didn’t think I was at that place yet but she did show me a few cords and I picked up what she taught me pretty quick. I did sign up for a week of free lessons at the music store and who knows, maybe it’ll be something that I really love doing and not just because it makes me stand out from the other monsters I know.

On the 21st of August

At soccer practice today a ghoul who played on a Werewolf cup team came and played a practice game with us. She was really creepy cool and a scary good player. She was so good that I was only able to steal the ball from her a couple of times during the game. After practice was over our coach asked her to talk to the team and give us some pointers. When she was done talking and the team was leaving she and the coach called me over. I thought I must have done something wrong but she just wanted to tell me that I had a lot of talent and could be a really great player if I kept working hard. Then my coach told me that I was already a better soccer player than Clawdeen was at my age. I don’t think my feet touched the ground all the way home. No monster has ever told me that I was better than my sister at anything. Well, technically my parents are always telling me that I’m the best at being who I am and that Clawdeen could never beat me at being me but that’s totally different. Anyway, I was planning on telling the story to the whole family over dinner just so I could see the look on Clawdeen’s face but somehow it didn’t feel right to do that so I kept it to myself. When dinner was over, Clawdeen and me had to clean up and right in the middle of doing dishes she told me that she ran into coach at the Maul. Then she said, “He told me he thinks you could be a better player than me if you keep working hard.” The next thing I thought she was going to say was something like, “Over my cold dead spikes.” Only that’s not what she said at all. Instead she kind of smiled and said, “Well duh, tell me something I didn’t know.” I must have looked like a wolf caught in the moonlight cause then she said, “What?” “It’s not like he said you had a sense of fashion or anything.” Then I squirted her with the sink sprayer, which started a massive water fight. Clawd came in right in the middle to try and “alpha” us into stopping. It worked. We stopped attacking each other and started soaking him. It took us an extra hour to mop up, but it was so much fun. I don’t know what could have happened to make Clawdeen change so much over one summer.

On the 31st of August

I love our family cookouts. It’s one of my favorite things we do in the summer because all of my older brothers and sisters who’ve moved out, and have their own families now, show up will all of my nieces and nephews. There are Cubs running everywhere, kisses and hugs, laughing and crying and sometimes you have to yell just to be heard. It’s crazy chaotic and a howling good time! The food is amazing too and there’s lots and lots of it. Draculaura usually comes over too which might seem strange that a vampire would come to a werewolf gathering but she’s such a part of the family that when she doesn’t show up to one of our cookouts everyone is bummed she’s not there. My dad even leaves part of the grill open for her tofu hotdogs, which aren’t bad if you put enough batchup, monstard and onions on them to disguise the taste of the tofu :). We also have a monster softball game in the open field behind our house. This year we played until it was almost dark, and the stars were just coming out; then they started coming down! We all ran to the house and grabbed blankets and sleeping bags and ran back out and just lay there watching them fall. You’re supposed to be able to make wishes on falling stars and they’ll come true, but there were so many falling that I ran out of wishes for real things and started wishing for silly things. I hope wishing that ice cream would appear every time I snap my fingers doesn’t cancel out my wish for perfectly straight hair. Oh well, it’s probably not likely either wish would ever come true but it was fun to hang out on a perfect night and pretend someday they might. Hee hee another rhyme.

About Me

Name: Howleen Wolf

Age: 14

Monster Parent: The Werewolf

Killer Style: I like to call the way I dress “were-punk”. It’s like taking lots of different styles and mashing them together to make something totally new and creepy cool. Clawdeen says it looks like I got dressed in the dark but I like it and that’s all that matters to me.

Freaky Flaw: My hair. Sometimes it does what I want, sometimes it does what it wants and sometimes it does things that make both of us look bad.

Pet: Cushion is my pet hedgehog. She may be a little prickly on the outside but she’s really sweet on the inside and that’s what matters.

Favorite Activity: I love playing soccer. It’s so much fun!

Biggest Pet Peeve: When I get treated like the little sister. I mean I am the little sister but I’m not a baby anymore.

Favorite School Subject: I kind of like math and sometimes history but biteology is cool too.

Least Favorite School Subject: Sometimes my favorite Subject one day is my least favorite the next day. Weird huh?

Favorite Color: It kind of depends on the day.

Favorite Food: Hotdogs.

BFF’s: Clawdeen Wolf and Abbey Bominable

[sineala]

Tony Stark and Arthuriana

Coming to you by special request, a very long post about 616 Tony's interest in Arthuriana, with a focus on all of Tony's run-ins with Morgan le Fay!

I feel like I should disclaim the extent of my knowledge here, which is that I still haven't managed to read anywhere near every issue of Iron Man -- at least, not yet, anyway -- so I'm just going by the things I know I've read, and Morgan le Fay's Marvel wiki entry is frustratingly under-cited, so it's very possible I've missed something relevant, but I'm pretty sure I've got the big stuff down. My other disclaimer here is that I'm not as big an Arthurian nerd as Tony is, which is to say that most of my familiarity comes from modern retellings -- T. H. White's The Once and Future King, Marion Zimmer Bradley's The Mists of Avalon, Mary Stewart's The Crystal Cave, Rosemary Sutcliff's Sword at Sunset -- and not so much the usual classic sources on the Matter of Britain, though I've read bits and pieces of them.

(This is because I wanted to read versions of them that were as close to the original as possible but so far have not ended up finishing any of them because, well, that's hard. So I've never read the Mabinogion because I do not know Welsh. I've got the Norton Critical Edition of Malory's Le Morte d'Arthur, which is probably the best student edition if you're looking for something without modernized spellings, as I was. I've also got -- well, okay, it's my wife's but I'm borrowing it -- a relatively recent Boydell & Brewer edition (ed. Reeve, tr. Wright) of Geoffrey of Monmouth's Historia Regum Britanniae (History of the Kings of Britain), which is, you guessed it, in Latin with a facing English translation. I haven't gotten very far in it because, in case you didn't know this about Latin texts, the beginning is pretty much always the hardest, so I gave up and read some Plautus adaptations instead. Anyway, if for some reason you too want to read Geoffrey of Monmouth in the original Latin I'd recommend that one, but I can't recommend any particular English translations because I've never read one by itself. I bet you didn't think you'd be getting Latin prose recommendations in this post. I mean, maybe you did; it is me, after all.)

Okay. Right. King Arthur. Here we go.

We've got:

Flashbacks to Tony's childhood in late Iron Man volume 1

A brief discussion of Morgan's origin story and Avengers #187

Iron Man vol 1 #149-150: Doomquest

What If vol 1 #33: What if Iron Man was trapped in the time of King Arthur?

Iron Man vol 1 #249-250: Recurring Knightmare

Iron Man: Legacy of Doom #1-4

Avengers vol 3 #1-4: The Morgan Conquest

Civil War: The Confession

Mighty Avengers vol 1 #9-11: Time Is On No One's Side

In terms of universe-internal chronology, we know from Iron Man #287, from 1992, that Tony has been a fan of King Arthur since childhood. This is an issue of a fandom-favorite arc which features Tony having a lot of childhood flashbacks, including the famous "Stark men are made of iron" line (in #286) that for some reason MCU fandom decided it loved; I mean, seriously, I've seen that quoted in way more MCU fic than 616 fic. But slightly later, in #287, we get an entire page devoted to Tony's love of King Arthur.

The narration reads: "Over the next few years, I learned as my father intended. Discipline of body. Strength of character. But in what free time I was allowed, I worked my way through the school's library. At thirteen, I discovered Mallory [sic], who showed me a whole new world. A world of dedication to a cause greater than oneself. Of chivalry and honor. And the fantastic deeds -- of armored heroes."

The art shows Tony as a child sitting under a tree, reading a book labeled Mort D'Arthur by Mallory [sic] -- no, don't ask me why nobody at Marvel checked how to spell either the name of the book or its author -- and daydreaming of King Arthur, the Sword in the Stone, knights, et cetera. Just in case you somehow missed the extremely blatant hint that we are meant to understand that Tony's knight obsession heavily influenced him becoming Iron Man as an adult, we see one of his armors mixed in with all the drawings of knights. So, yes, canonically Tony is Iron Man at least partly because he's a giant King Arthur nerd, which I think is so very sweet. I love him. He's such a dork!

(This issue is currently in print in the Iron Man Epic Collection War Machine, should you need your own copy.)

This isn't actually the only reference to Tony as a King Arthur fanboy in this era of canon, either; a little later, in IM #298, we see that one of Tony's passwords is actually "Mallory." (Yeah, no, they still couldn't spell. But it's cute.)

But in terms of actual publication order, this is definitely not the first time we have seen in canon that Tony is into Arthuriana, as I'm sure you all know. I would assume, in fact, that giving Tony a childhood interest in Arthuriana is because Doomquest is one of the most beloved Iron Man story arcs of all time, and that all started at least a decade before IM #287 here was published.

The villain of Doomquest -- the one who isn't Doctor Doom, at least -- is Morgan le Fay. Yes, that Morgan le Fay. Yes, Arthur's evil half-sister Morgan le Fay. Yes, all of this King Arthur stuff is canonically real history on Earth-616. Morgan's first appearance in Marvel, per the wiki, was in Black Knight #1 (1955), which I have not read, and judging by the summary I feel like this is probably just supposed to be a straight-up comic retelling of Arthurian legends for kids; I don't think Marvel really had the whole Marvel Universe in mind as a concept in 1955, so I'm not sure this was meant to connect to anything else. I feel like this is another one of those instances of Marvel discovering that they can write comics about characters in the public domain for free -- like, I'm pretty sure that's how we also ended up with, like, Norse, Greek, and Roman mythology wedged into 616.

As far as I can tell from the wiki, the first time Morgan tangled with the Avengers (or indeed the larger 616 universe) in any way actually predated Doomquest -- it was in an early arc in Spider-Woman (#2-6) and then Avengers #187, which came out in 1979, actually right when Demon in a Bottle was happening over in Iron Man comics. If you read #187, Iron Man is not in it because he's off the team due to his drinking problem and also his accidentally murdering the Carnelian ambassador problem. So Wonder Man's filling in instead. This issue is part of Michelinie's rather sporadic Avengers run, which makes sense, I guess, considering where we see Morgan next.

Anyway, Avengers #187 is the classic issue where Wanda is possessed by Chthon, but what you may not remember from Chthon's backstory (I sure didn't!) is that he was summoned by Morgan le Fay because she was the first person who tried to wield the Darkhold to summon him. As you can imagine, this did not work out especially well for her and her followers and they had to seal Chthon away in Wundagore Mountain, which was where Wanda found him. (The Spider-Woman stuff is only slightly earlier and also appears to be about Morgan and the Darkhold; the Darkhold is not one of the areas of 616 canon I am especially conversant with, alas. It's on my to-read list.)

Doomquest, as you probably know, was a classic Iron Man two-parter in Layton & Michelinie's first Iron Man run that set up Tony and Doom as rivals; Doomquest itself was IM #149-150, in 1981, and then in their second IM run they came back and did a sequel in 1989, Recurring Knightmare (IM #249-250), and then the much later four-part sequel to that was the 2008 miniseries Iron Man: Legacy of Doom, which was also by Layton & Michelinie but generally does not seem to be as popular as the first two parts. They've all been reprinted, if you're looking for copies; I have a Doomquest hardcover that collects the first four issues and then a separate Legacy of Doom hardcover. Currently in the Iron Man Epic Collection line there's a volume called Doom, which confusingly only collects the 249-250 part of the storyline (as well as surrounding issues), because for some reason the first Layton & Michelinie run isn't in Epics yet but the second one is. So the beginning of Doomquest isn't currently in print, as far as I can tell. I'm sure you can find it anyway.

So what's Doomquest about? Okay, so you remember how Doctor Doom's mother's soul is stuck in hell for all eternity? Well, Doom's obviously interested in getting her back, and the strategy he has embarked on is to try to team up with other powerful magicians who can help him out, and he thinks Morgan le Fay would be a good choice, for, uh, his quest. Doom's quest. A Doomquest, if you will. (If you've ever read Doctor Strange & Doctor Doom: Triumph & Torment, you're familiar with the part where he later ends up waylaying Strange for this and they go to hell together. And if you haven't read Triumph & Torment, you really should, because it's amazing.)

So Doom is off to his time machine to go team up with Morgan le Fay and Tony thinks Doom is up to something -- Doom has been stealing components for his time machine from a lot of people, including Tony -- and he follows him and it turns out one of Doom's lackeys has a grudge and wants to trap Doom in the past forever, and Tony gets caught up in it. Now they're both in Camelot. Surprise! #149 is actually all setup; they don't get to Camelot until #150.

IM #150 begins with Doom and Tony thrown back into the past; there's a fandom-famous splash page of them locked in combat, only to realize that they have found themselves in Camelot.

They are then discovered by knights; Doom would very much like to attack them, but Tony, who naturally would be happy to LARP Camelot forever, persuades him to play nice. Also Doom thinks Iron Man is only Tony's bodyguard so he keeps referring to him as "lackey," much to Tony's annoyance. Somehow everyone thinks they're sorcerers. Can't imagine why. The knights take them to meet King Arthur himself, and Tony has clearly had his introduction all ready to go, as he introduces himself in a timeline-appropriate manner, says he's here to apprehend Doom, and demonstrates his "magic" by levitating Arthur's throne. Doom's response is essentially "I'm the king of Latveria," which is, y'know, also valid. So they're guests at Camelot for the night while Arthur figures out what to do with them.

We then have a page devoted to Tony alone in his room, musing sadly about how alien he feels, how he doesn't know if he'll ever get home, how he could never fit in here without his beloved technology. Then a Sexy Lady shows up to keep him company for the night, and he decides maybe it's not all bad. Thanks, Marvel. I guess they can't all be winners.

Doom is using his evening much more productively; he compels one of the servants to tell him where Morgan's castle is, because he's still interested in having that team-up. Then he jets off. Literally. He has a jetpack.

The next morning Arthur's like "one of you is still here and one of you has punched a hole through the castle wall and flown off to join Morgan so I guess I know which of you is more trustworthy." He then explains to Tony who Morgan is, because Tony professes ignorance, because clearly we had not yet retconned in Tony's love of Arthuriana. Tony offers to go fight Doom and Morgan with Arthur; meanwhile, Morgan and Doom have teamed up and Morgan has offered to help get Doom's mother out of hell if he commands her undead armies against Arthur because for Reasons she can't command them herself anymore. So that's a thing that happens.

So, yes, it's Tony and Arthur versus Doom and Morgan. Fight fight fight!

Tony tries Doom first but then decides to hunt Morgan down, and in the ensuing fight we get what I think is Tony's first ever "I hate magic," a complaint that we all know he still makes even to this day.

Anyway, Tony freezes a dragon with Freon (mmm, technology) and Morgan gets upset and disappears, so the battle comes to an end, and of course Doom is extremely mad at Tony because he blames Tony for Morgan not sticking around to save Doom's mom, because I guess Doom trusted her to keep her word? Weird. (Like I said, for the next chapter of Doom saving his mother, go read Triumph & Torment.)

Doom says if he and Tony work together, the components in both of their armors can send them both home. So Tony has to trust Doom. Which he does, because he really has no other choice. They build a time machine and Tony makes Doom agree to a 24-hour truce when they get back, so they can both get home. So it all works out okay, and they end up in the present, and Doom tells him, ominously, that they will meet again. Okay, then. That concludes the original Doomquest. It's fun! You can see why fandom likes it.

So that's all well and good, but you might have noticed that Tony's ability to get home hinged on Doom actually being trustworthy. And Doom was. But what if Doom hadn't been? What if he'd just stranded Tony in Camelot forever As you may have surmised from the form of that question, that is in fact a question Marvel asked themselves, because, yes, there's a What If about this! What If v1 #33 is "What if Iron Man was trapped in the time of King Arthur?"

The divergence point from canon, as you can probably guess, is the very end of Doomquest. Instead of Doom bringing Tony home, he deceives him and leaves him in Camelot. And since Tony cannibalized a lot of the tech from his armor to make the time machine, he doesn't have a way to go home.

This is not a story where Tony comes up with a way to go home after all. He really doesn't get to go home. But instead of drowning his sorrows in mead -- because, remember, Demon in a Bottle has already happened and Tony is sober now -- he decides he might as well just play the hand he's dealt. So with what's left of his armor, he defeats some enemies that Morgan rounds up to send against Camelot. And for his services, he's knighted. He is now Sir Anthony.

Tony acknowledges that he is both living the dream and would also like very, very much to go home.

He does end up having some fun in Camelot; it's not all miserable. But he obviously doesn't want to be there.

So if you're at all familiar with King Arthur, you know how this goes, right? Arthur fights Mordred and Mordred kills him. And that does happen in this version. Except Tony is right there, and with his dying words, Arthur asks Tony to rule Camelot... and Tony agrees.

So, yes, Tony Stark becomes king of the Britons after Arthur's death and he never goes home again. The end. Man, I love What Ifs.

Heading back to main 616 continuity, there is still more of this arc to go. The original Doomquest was only two issues, yes, but it was popular enough that Layton & Michelinie did a sequel a hundred issues later, in their second run of Iron Man, and that's Iron Man #249-250, Recurring Knightmare. (In the intervening issues were Denny O'Neil's IM run, specifically the second drinking arc (#160-200), and then Layton & Michelinie came back and most famously gave us Armor Wars (#225-232). I would have to say that Armor Wars is definitely the standout fandom-favorite arc of their second IM run; for their first one, I think a lot of people would have a hard time choosing between Doomquest and Demon.) But anyway, yes. Recurring Knightmare.

Recurring Knightmare is... well, the best way I can describe it is "a trip." It is definitely a sequel to Doomquest, and it is also definitely not a sequel you  would ever have expected to see for Doomquest.

Much like #149, #249 is pretty much just setup. Fun setup, but the big action is in the next issue. We open with Doom in Latveria, on his throne, pondering which of his servants he should have disintegrated. Anyway, he's just hanging out there when a mysterious object appears. In California, Tony is suited up and entertaining the crowd at a mall opening when the same object also appears! He takes it to his lab. Please note that this is after the Kathy Dare incident, so Tony is still recovering and is walking with a cane. Doom sees on the news that Iron Man has found the same object, which cannot be carbon-dated, and he shows up at Tony's house. He criticizes Tony's taste in art.

Anyway, Doom basically orders Tony to work with him. Tony refuses, and then Doom sends some robots to attempt to steal Tony's version of the object because he thinks if he has them both he will be powerful. Doom manages to steal it, and when he puts the pieces together, both he and Tony disappear.

So where do they go, you might ask? Camelot?

Not exactly. The future! There is a great callback to the Doomquest splash page.

It turns out they are in London in 2093. Merlin brought them there. Tony still hates magic. And in the future, King Arthur is still there, except he is now a child, because he has been reborn. But he does remember Tony from Doomquest, at which point Tony kneels. Doom, of course, is not impressed. He asks why they have been brought to the future.

The answer is that things are going wrong in the future. If you do not personally remember United States politics in the 1980s, I need you to google the words "Strategic Defense Initiative" right now. I'll wait.

Back with me? Okay, so this is a future where Reagan's Star Wars program actually happened the way he wanted it to, and the satellites are still hanging around the Earth in the future and messing everything up, and Arthur and Merlin need Tony and Doom's help to stop them. Doom once again flies away with his jetpack, of course.

Tony is game to help, but he's not in an armor that can stay in space for long. This is when Merlin takes him and Arthur to the mall and Tony manages to get everything to upgrade his armor at Radio Shack. You see what I meant about this issue being weird.

Tony is out in space trying to disarm the SDI platform, which is where he runs into his future descendant, Andros Stark, who is in armor you will probably recognize from Iron Man 2020. He is referred to as "the resurrected spawn of Iron Man 2020" so I assume he's actually directly related to Arno rather than a direct descendant of Tony; Wiki confirms that Arno is his grandfather. This is all from way before Arno was contemporaneous with Tony in canon. Anyway, he's fighting Tony.

Oh, by the way, Future Doom exists. Future Doom would like to rule this future Earth and for some reason Andros would like to help him. Meanwhile, Present Doom finds out from Merlin that he can't leave except by magic and he can't leave without Tony, so he is reluctantly on Tony's side.

They need help from the Lady of the Lake, except the lake has been paved over and is now a parking lot. Merlin makes the lake come back and then of course they get Excalibur. Arthur is a kid, so he can't wield a longsword; Doom assumes he's going to take it because he is basically a king, and he's pretty grumpy when the sword picks Tony. Tony then uses Excalibur to destroy the space lasers, and I bet that is a sentence you never thought you would read. It's pretty cool. Tony concludes that magic has its good points. Tony stops Andros and Doom stops, uh, himself, and the world is saved and they get to go home. Also, Doom finds out Tony is Iron Man, but when Merlin sends them back he conveniently erases their memories, so neither of them remember anything about this and Tony's secret is still safe. And that's the sequel to Doomquest.

And if you think that's weird, wait until you see Legacy of Doom.

Iron Man: Legacy of Doom is a four-issue miniseries from 2008, also by Layton and Michelinie. Even though it's from 2008, it's set during a much more classic time in Iron Man, continuing on from where we left off in this Doomquest saga. We start with a framing story in 2008. Tony, who has Extremis now, is busy scrapping some of his older armors and reviewing his logs when he suddenly remembers that there was a whole thing with Doom that happened that he seems to have forgotten about until right now. So the whole thing is narrated by Tony in flashback.

Tony's in space fixing a satellite when a hologram of Doom shows up and summons him to Latveria. It's not really clear why Doom needs Tony's help in particular here, but Doom tells Tony that he's discovered that Mephisto would like to bring about the end of the world, which Doom finds, and I quote, "presumptive." So Doom has his Time Cube, and with it he takes Tony to hell.

(Yes, I promise this is relevant to Doomquest. There will be some Arthuriana shortly.)

Doom brings Tony to Mephisto, and it turns out it's a setup! Doom trades Tony for an item he wants from Mephisto, leaves, and Tony's going to be trapped in hell forever! Oh no! (I mean, he's not. But it's quite a cliffhanger.)

At the beginning of issue #2, we find out what the Arthurian connection is, which is that we learned that after the events of Doomquest, Morgan had been granted sanctuary by Mephisto in exchange for a shard of Excalibur that she had somehow stolen. Doom still wants Morgan's help with some magic -- he doesn't mention what it is here, but he says he needs someone of Pendragon blood, and that'd be her -- so he traded Tony to Mephisto in exchange for, I'm guessing, Morgan and the Excalibur shard.

I have probably mentioned this elsewhere, but Legacy of Doom #2 is one of my favorite issues of Iron Man ever, solely because of the next scene. We return to Tony in hell. Howard Stark is also in hell, and he is now a demon, and Tony has to fight him. Mephisto brings popcorn and watches. This is the one time in canon when Tony actually confronts his father, and okay, yes, it's a fistfight in hell and Howard is a demon, but that's comics for you. Howard spends several pages insulting Tony -- specifically insulting his masculinity, but that's a whole other essay -- until he finally insults Maria too, and that's when Tony fights back, because his mother taught him to be good. Honestly if you're a Tony fan I'd recommend this issue just for that scene.

Anyway, we go back to the Doom and Morgan plot, and Morgan casts the spell Doom wanted, which was fusing the Excalibur shard with Doom's armor. Then Doom sends her back to Camelot rather than hell, because he's still mad that she never helped him get his mom out of hell like she said she would.

Tony freezes Howard with Freon -- yes, the same trick he pulled on the dragon back in Doomquest -- and tells him, "You're no father of mine." It is immensely satisfying.

(I had been going to mention that I thought it was a shame that neither canon nor fandom seems to have really engaged with this confrontation, and I know canon never believes in narrative closure but fandom sure does -- and then, anyway, it occurred to me that since the framing story of Tony remembering this is set when Tony has Extremis, there's a very good chance that he no longer remembers remembering it. Goddammit, Marvel.)

(If I got to retcon one canon thing about Tony, I think "the entirety of World's Most Wanted" is up there. I mean, okay, a lot of things are up there, but WMW is definitely on the shortlist.)

Okay. Tony has now engineered his way out of hell, and he's back with Doom in Latveria. Doom has Excalibur. Doom would very much like to fight him. While wielding Excalibur. You get the sense that this is going to be bad. Another cliffhanger!

Legacy of Doom #3 opens with Tony destroying Doom's lab to buy time and running away from Doom and Excalibur. I should probably mention that Doom still doesn't know Tony is Iron Man (anymore), so he thinks he is dealing only with Iron Man, Tony Stark's lackey. Meanwhile, some scientists at SI think there's something weird going on with space. Meanwhile meanwhile, Tony is in a forest taking a breather when a mysterious old man walks up to him.

It's Merlin! Surprise! Merlin wants Tony's help to stop Doom from doing whatever he's doing with Excalibur. The sword makes you invincible and the scabbard makes you invulnerable, so Merlin sends Tony to Scotland on a fetch quest for the scabbard. Doom has now magically sent the sword in search of the scabbard, so the sword flies away to meet it and Doom follows. Turns out the thing that's wrong with space is a thing that's going to hit Earth at the exact place Tony and Doom are. What a coincidence! So Tony and Doom get trapped in a stone circle and fight some stone warriors and then Tony ends up with the scabbard. And by "ends up with," I mean it fuses to his armor. Next issue!

Legacy of Doom #4 is when things really, really get weird. A giant demon made of eyes (???) appears, and this demon is apparently what Doom had been preparing to fight (because it's mad that Doom stole one of its spellbooks), and now he can't, because the sword and the scabbard aren't together. Thanks, Shellhead.

That's when Merlin shows up and says all is not lost. They can defeat the demon... if they put the sword into the scabbard.

"But I'm the scabbard now!" Tony says, uncomprehending.

"Yes," Merlin says. "You are."

Then Tony gets it.

So, yes, Doom has to, um, penetrate Tony. With Excalibur. I love comics. I love comics so much.

So that's a thing that happens.

And then Tony flies off and, I guess, resolves to never, ever think about any of this again.

We head back to the framing story, in which Tony, now having remembered all of this, flies to Britain, buys the land the lake is on, and paves it over, presumably so it will be there for Merlin to bring back in Iron Man #250. The end.

Whew.

Okay, yeah, I know I didn't have to summarize the whole thing, but Legacy of Doom here really is one of my favorite Iron Man miniseries. And I just want to share the love. Please read it. It's great.

But the Arthuriana fun doesn't end there! In fact, now we get an Arthurian-themed arc that actually isn't in Iron Man comics. It's in Avengers! Iron Man is involved, though.

(There is also apparently a Morgan arc in Avengers #240. I actually haven't read it. It seems to be yet another Spider-Woman arc. I get the impression that this isn't really Arthuriana other than having Morgan in it fighting Jess, though, so it doesn't seem quite as relevant. Morgan also apparently has some appearances in FF, Journey into Mystery, and Marvel Team-Up, but those seem like more of just basic villainy. Also, probably not involving Tony.)

Kurt Busiek's 1998 Avengers run, volume 3, is in large part the kind of Avengers run that is a nostalgic love letter to older comics. Heroes are heroes and villains are villains and good triumphs over evil. The Avengers all live in the mansion and are BFFs. I love it. It does assume that you are already a fan of the Avengers, because it starts out by summoning pretty much everyone who has ever been an Avenger and is available to the mansion, and that is... a lot of people. Thirty-nine, by my count. Also, when the entire team is magically whisked away, we are treated to the following narration, as Steve disappears: "And Captain America's last thought, as the world goes white around him, and he with it -- is that Iron Man would hate this."

The narration doesn't tell you why Iron Man would hate this, or how Captain America would know that Iron Man hates this. This is not explained later on. But if you have read comics -- or if you have read the above summary of Doomquest -- you know that Tony is absolutely, one hundred percent, thinking, "I hate magic." And Steve knows it.

The reference is not relevant to the plot; if you don't get it, you'll be fine. But that's what I mean when I say this is a nostalgia run. There are definitely Easter eggs for people who have read a bunch of comics. Busiek does this a whole lot in his work -- there's a reason you can buy an annotated edition of Marvels -- and, yeah, it happens here too. Just know that there will be references you're not getting, if you're new to comics.

Anyway. So Busiek's run actually starts out with an Arthurian arc, #1-4, "The Morgan Conquest." The name is a dead giveaway. Yes, Morgan le Fay is back. Again. For once, Doom is not involved.

The Avengers are all back from their sojourn on Counter-Earth after fighting Onslaught -- don't worry about it -- and mysterious things are happening. There are a lot of monster attacks. So pretty much everyone who has ever been an Avenger is summoned to the mansion, at which point we learn from Thor about some mystical artifacts that are being stolen. (They are the Norn Stones and also the Twilight Sword. That sounds like something from a Zelda game, doesn't it?) The Avengers go to try to stop this, end up in Tintagel, and then they run into Mordred. He wants to capture Wanda, presumably for Magic Reasons. Morgan le Fay casts a spell on all of them, reshaping reality. Yes, all of them. Surprise!

So now all the Avengers are living in a medieval castle and/or town; Morgan is their queen, and thanks to the power of mind-control they are all basically living in Ye Olden Times. The Avengers are all some variety of knight, except for Wanda, who is chained up in the dungeon so Morgan can steal her magic and use it to fuel all this reality-warping.

Wanda calls for help, and that snaps Steve (Yeoman America!) out of the mind control (or altered reality or whatever you want to call it) pretty fast, because Steve's always been very good at resisting mind control, and then Steve promptly goes and snaps Clint out of it, because I guess Steve is also good at inspiring people to snap out of mind control. "Oh, man!" Clint says. "Not another alternate reality! Not again!" (I assume he's referring to Counter-Earth? Maybe?)

So Steve and Clint go around reassembling the Avengers and orienting them as to reality. They get Jan and Monica easily, but then Steve insists on trying to get Tony because, I guess, he likes Tony and would really like to hang around Tony, who is half-naked and asleep in his bedroom, and certainly I am reading nothing whatsoever into this. Clint tells Steve it's not going to work. Tony has historically been fairly susceptible to mind control; it was only pretty recently at this point that he'd been doing Kang's bidding in The Crossing. But the more serious impediment is that this is Tony Stark and he would obviously like to LARP being a knight forever and ever. Tony, therefore, does not believe Steve, and throws him and Clint out of his bedroom and into the barracks.

"Iron Man's a good guy, normally," Clint says. "But he's waaay too into his whole nobleman/lord of the manor trip. That spell musta hit him right where he lives!"

Clint speaks the truth, clearly.

Anyway, they go around and manage to make pretty much every Avenger in the room other than Tony snap out, and attempt to rebel against Morgan while Tony is stil fighting them because he is Still A Knight. There's a lot of punching, because some of the Avengers still aren't free; they weren't ones Steve found.

The day is saved when Wanda manages to channel Wonder Man and break free. This gives the Avengers a fighting chance against Morgan and the Avengers are all lending Wanda their power when Tony finally snaps out of it and is on the side of good. 

Then they take Morgan down, go home, and attempt to figure out which of these thirty-nine people should be on the active Avengers team. Hooray.

But that's not the end of Morgan le Fay showing up to screw around with Tony's life! There's more to come! Not much, but there is one that I know of, and at least one more memorable reference. 

(I haven't read all her appearances or anything, but one of them definitely involves Tony; I can't swear that he doesn't appear in any of the other books Morgan shows up in, but it'd be a cameo for him, because I only know of one more arc that she's in in a book that Tony stars in.)

In a few more years, we have now entered the part of Marvel Comics history where Brian Michael Bendis writes all the Avengers books at the same time for, like, seven years running. It was sure A Time. There were a lot of word bubbles.

And the thing about Bendis is, Bendis looooooves Doomquest. If you're familiar with the very end of his tenure at Marvel where he made Doom be Iron Man after Tony got knocked into a coma in Civil War II, you have probably figured out already that he likes Doom. But he also likes Doomquest, specifically.

I mean, if nothing else, the giant splash page in The Confession where Maleev redrew the climactic Doomquest fight while Bendis had Tony talk about how deeply meaningful to his understanding of the world this all was -- and how it allowed him to predict Civil War -- was probably a big clue, right?

As far as I am aware, Morgan le Fay makes exactly one more appearance in Tony's life. And that's in Mighty Avengers vol 1 #9-11. Only one of those issues is named, so I'm going to assume the arc is named after it: Time Is On No One's Side.

You remember Mighty Avengers, right? The deal with the Avengers books at the time was that after Bendis exploded the mansion and made the team disband in Avengers Disassembled, the main Avengers book was no longer called just Avengers. Instead, the main Avengers book was New Avengers, and that was the only Avengers book. Then Civil War happened, Steve got killed, and New Avengers became the book about what was left of the SHRA resistance (i.e., Steve's side) after the war. So about halfway through New Avengers, Mighty Avengers starts up, and Mighty Avengers is about an extremely fucked-up and grief-stricken Tony Stark trying to run the official government-sanctioned Avengers team, with Carol's help. This is the comic with the arc where Tony turned into naked girl Ultron. You remember.

So, anyway, there's this Mighty Avengers arc where Doom is Up To Something (there are symbiotes and a satellite involved) and somehow Tony and the Avengers end up in Latveria, punching Doom. Also, by the way, Doom is visiting Morgan in the past because he likes her. The Avengers attacking his castle made him have to come back to the present, so he's kind of cranky. And he fights Tony, and in the course of the fight, his time platform explodes and sends Doom and Tony and also the Sentry to... the past.

This is one of those times where you should definitely look up the comics if possible because the way the past is visually indicated here is that it's colored with halftone dots the way you would expect old comics to be colored, although they have modern shading and color palettes. It's very charmingly retro.

So the three of them are stuck in New York in the past, and naturally they would like to leave. There's one person in this time who has a time machine and it is, of course, Reed Richards. Doom and Tony have a lot of banter in this arc; I think it's entertaining.

Sentry has to be the one to break them all into the Baxter Building because of that power he has where no one will remember him. So they do that, travel forward in time, and end up in Latveria in the present again except Doom is gone and also things are currently exploding where they are.

Doom, of course, has made a side trip to visit Morgan again and he asks her to help him build an army, because I guess this is what their relationship is like. So the rest of the Avengers are captured by what look to me like Mindless Ones and are in a cave in magic bondage, because comics. Jess comments that at least they aren't naked, because she too is remembering that memorable New Avengers trip to the Savage Land. Doom threatens Carol in some creepy sexist ways and eventually it turns out that Tony and the Sentry are fine and everyone kicks Doom's ass. Business as usual.

And the last page of the arc is Morgan alone, wondering where Doom is. So technically Morgan and Tony don't come face to face here, but I think she counts as being at least partially responsible for ruining Tony's day here. And then Secret Invasion happens and Tony has a very, very bad day.

There are a few more Morgan appearances after this, but, as I said, I don't think any of them involve Tony. She shows up in Dark Avengers, apparently, which was one of the post-Civil War Avengers titles I didn't read, and I know that recently, on the X-Men side of things, she's been in Tini Howard's Excalibur one, which I have only read a little of. No Tony there. Just a lot of Morgan and Betsy Braddock and Brian Braddock and the Otherworld.

If you are interested in Morgan's other appearances, you might like this Marvel listicle that is Morgan le Fay's six most malicious acts. I pulled some of the Darkhold backstory from their discussion, but it's not really focused on Morgan and Tony.

So there you have it! That's everything I know about Tony's love for King Arthur and every run-in I know about that he's had with Morgan le Fay! One of two terrible people in Tony's life named Morgan! Actually, I don't think we've seen Morgan Stark in a while. I wonder if he's alive. There should be a Morgan & Morgan team-up. I should probably stop typing and post this.

The tl;dr point is that you should all read Doomquest and its sequels, especially Legacy of Doom. They're great!

[gothprentiss]

7, 12, 16

7. If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

lol so funny story about this— when i went back and like, did some reorganizing in my fic “pensato,” which has probably got ~12 parts divided across 5 chapters? or something? i deleted the quotes that i stuck at the beginning of each chapter: while they fit the chapter “vibe,” the chapters were largely arbitrary, and divided more along lines of length than theme, so it occurred to me that they were there purely as a gesture of self-indulgence, and might serve to restructure the reading experience in ways i didn’t want. (this is a moot point because most of this fic can be described in precisely those terms but wcyd!) the reason i bring this up is that my fic is way sparser on song lyrics than i recalled. but anyway factoring in what i recall of that plus what still stands, it’s siouxsie and the banshees— the goth prentiss agenda lives on. you get it in the title of “like blood in the body, like wind in the water” (song: sea of light), there’s some siouxsie playing in the background in one of the chapters of pensato (i think happy house, on the road trip), there’s a reference to a siouxsie album in “the hour of lead” (hyaena, maybe?), and i deleted from a chapter heading of pensato some lines from running town: “if you gaze into her face / she’ll glare back and drown / all refugees in the sea / of running town.”

12. How many WIPs do you have in your docs for next year?

two? maybe? or like— i have 2 wips i intend to finish in the next 2 weeks, and then one draft i hope will happen next year, if ever, and then a couple of fics i mean to finish (final chapter of pensato, that wh13 thing i started) but uhhhh might not— i tend to loose the wind from my sails very quickly with projects, and i try not to save works in progress for later: what happens is what always happens, which is that i 1) forget what i was going for and 2) grow enough as a writer that i find the whole draft i’ve thus produced embarrassing and not worth sharing, and then end up not finishing. ha ha (distant groaning). i have stuff i want to write! it’s just not in the docs yet. only in the noggin

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

well looking now it’s, strictly, “angst,” though variations on “[characteristic] emily” are equally common. my favorite of those is “little bit of emotionally intelligent fuckboy emily going on here.” i guess the lesson is that i use the additional tags function on ao3 like tumblr tags even though that categorically is not how they’re supposed to work…… (also, whenever i post the fic you’ve heard about in advance, it’ll be about even “angst” and “lesbian emily prentiss” lol)

[lesbian-helen-gansey]

books I read in June & July

This is late because I’ve been on a self-imposed social media hiatus for the past few weeks! I’m technically still not back, I just got on to post this. My weeks being semi-offline have been relatively uneventful. I have watched pretty much every Netflix documentary I’m even remotely interested in and have regressed to listening to the podcasts I used to listen to in high school. I’ve completed a few sudokus and gotten stuck and quit a ton of sudokus. I’ve mostly been using my concerta to play mahjong tiles on my laptop with a laser focus. Staying off all social media entirely has so far been the only effective way of preventing me from doom scrolling, and it seems (at least from my daily listen of NPR up first) that there remains of plethora of things to doom scroll about, so I am going to try to wait a little longer before returning. The enchanting lure of Tumblr does call me tho. To quote John Milton "God therefore left him free, set before him a provoking object, ever almost in his eyes; herein consisted his merit, herein the right of his reward, the praise of his abstinence. Wherefore did he create passions within us, pleasures round about us, but that these rightly tempered are the very ingredients of virtue?”

The Harbor by Katrine Engberg (4/5)

This is a crime novel that takes place in Copenhagen about detectives searching for a missing child. I think that it’s actually the third book in a series about this team of police officers, but it made sense as a stand alone having not read the others. It was pretty slow, and hard to get into, but I did end up really liking it. It was hard to get into it, but once I was in it, I was really in it. I read a lot of thrillers, and I find many of them to be sort of absurd in an attempt to be clever. I concede that it’s hard to think of an ending that is both surprising and satisfying, but I still think many of the current authors don’t do a particularly good job with the task. This one, however, built to a really interesting ending. It was both well-foreshadowed and sufficiently surprising.  I think I just dislike how a lot of thrillers and crime dramas build to something that is an almost absurdly dramatic climax in an attempt to, I don’t know, shock the reader or raise the stakes, and I really appreciated that this wasn’t that. I’ll probably read the others in the series. (adult fiction)

Trick Mirror by Jia Tolentino (5/5)

I liked this a surprising amount. I’ve grown sort of jaded with the personal essay scene, so I was a little skeptical about how much I would like a book of essays from a New Yorker writer, but I have really liked the Jia Tolentino essays I’ve read online, so I decided to read it, and I loved it. I find it difficult to find thoughtful, and nuanced essays about feminism, but these essays were really interesting. The kind of essays that are willing to hold a lot of things in their hands and aren’t interested in driving home some argument but rather examining thoughts. “Always be Optimizing” is one of my favorite essays from the book, and it just has such interesting thoughts about the influence of capitalism on feminism. I found Tolentino to be really self-aware and begrudgingly lovable. Almost against my wishes, I left this book really loving Jia Tolentino. (Before reading this, I had found her instagram incredibly annoying bc I am a judgmental person, but now I’m entirely endeared. Too bad I’m not on instagram anymore to see her photos.) (creative nonfiction)

Carmilla by Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu (5/5)

This book is like, gay gay. I thought people were calling this book “lesbian vampires” like it had gay subtext 21st century readers were reading into. But no. Gay for real. Gayer than gay romances published today. Gonna have portions of it as the selected readings for my wedding one day. They probably won’t let me get married in a church if I do, but worth it. If you can’t get enough of Lucy and Mina in your inbox, this is for you. (adult fiction)

Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown (4/5)

Brene Brown Stans rise. This book basically defines and categorizes a bunch of emotions to help us better understand what we’re feeling, which Brown says helps us process our experiences. This wasn’t a favorite of mine by her, mostly because it’s a little more of a reference book, but I still ended up with a bunch of hastily typed notes in my notes app of things I need to remember from it. (nonfiction)

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke (5/5)

This book is so fucking good. You have to read this book. I think it’s probably best to go into it with as little info as possible. It’s hard to describe without giving away things that make it exciting. When my best friend recommended it to me, she described it as if Madeline Miller wrote a psychological thriller. She all but forced my other friend and I to read it, and subsequently all three of us have been evangelizing about it. We’ve all but started some sort of mlm of our own personal downlines spreading the word about Piraniesi. I’m currently making my therapist read it. This book made me say “holy shit” and “oh my god” out loud as I was reading. (adult fiction)

How to do Nothing by Jenny Odell (3/5)

This was a little too conceptual and philosophical for me. But the author does love birds as much as I do, which I loved. (Also I recently discovered that there are apps that basically let you Shazam bird calls. This is one of the greatest discoveries of my life. I’ll never be bored again. I’ll be outside shazaming the Sparrow songs.) The book is basically about pushing back against the capitalistic urge to always be productive and instead to really engage in the world around you, which I have, subsequently, been trying to do more of. I’ve been spending a lot more time than usual almost moved to tears by how many different shades of green trees are. One of my favorite things is when the leaves blow in the wind, and you can see the undersides have a whiter color, and the contrast between the tops and bottoms of the leaves blowing looks so dynamic. (nonfiction)

Nice Girls by Catherine Dang (3/5)

Speaking of thrillers with over the top endings. I was actually pretty into this book until the end. I think I had to stop and roll my eyes more than once during the climax. It seemed like it was building to something interesting, and then, at the big reveal, the author took like, the least interesting route, which was disappointing. I don’t know, it was fine. I don’t know why I keep reading like, the women’s thriller genre when I always feel meh about them. (adult fiction) 

Peril at End House by Agatha Christie (4/5)

Not my very favorite Christie, but I still liked it. I did find it a little difficult to keep up with who all the characters were, but that’s par for the course for me with Christie lol. I wish I had more to say about it, but I really don’t. Poirot meets a young women who has had several attempts on her life, and he interjects himself to try to save her. Maybe one day Poirot will go on vacation without getting mixed up in a murder, the poor guy. He can’t go anywhere. (adult fiction)

Feminism is For Everybody by bell hooks (5/5)

Everything about feminism that I read from bell hooks I’m just like, yes. Fucking yes. She gets it. I think (hope) everyone is finally realizing the extent to which the modern feminist movement is slightly spineless and had been eaten away at by capitalism, and this book is like, back to basics. It’s time to end lifestyle feminism. (nonfiction)

The Murder of Roger Ackroyd by Agatha Christie (5/5)

I loved this one. A man is murdered in his study and a local doctor helps Poirot, who recently moved to the town, solve the mystery. Super clever, couldn’t put it down. I don’t ever expect that I’m going to solve Christie’s mysteries, but I felt truly had by this one, in the best way possible. She got me good. (adult fiction)

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (5/5)

Honesty, Pride and Prejudice is a page turner. Having seen the movie a lot combined with Austen’s writing style, I knew I would like it, but I didn’t expect to like, can’t-put-it-down-love-it, but I totally did. I could not stop reading it, and the whole time I was like, girl you know Pride and Prejudice how are you on the edge of your seat about this, but it was so good. Austen knows how to write a romance. She perfected the craft in 1813. (It also got me back into the Lizzie Bennet Diaries which is somehow still super fun all these years later). (adult fiction)

Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke (3/5)

Told through the lens of her patient’s stories of addiction, a psychiatrist writes about how modern society’s easy access to dopamine is actually making us more unhappy. A lot of the book focuses on how we are able to get high dopamine rewards very easily from things like social media without any of the effort it would usually take to get a dopamine reward, and this is skewing our ability to find happiness in more mundane things. There were definitely parts of this book that I thought were super interesting and important and have encouraged me to spend more time without any sort of distraction and to not be so pain and boredom averse. That being said, the book really lost me in the last half. I feel like it kind of goes off in a different direction that feels less relevant. (nonfiction)

The Woman in the Library by Sulari Gentil (4/5)

A meta-feeling mystery about a writer writing a book about a writer who is in the Boston Public Library when a woman is found dead. She and the group of people she meets while they get wrapped into trying to solve the mystery. I really liked the story within the story and the connection between the fictional author and the mystery. I don’t think it actually meets the definition of a cozy mystery, but it felt more like that than a sort of traditional mystery or thriller. I found the main character slightly annoying, but it didn’t bother me all that much. (adult fiction)

Running with Lions by Julian Winter (3/5)

This was a cute book. It’s a ya romance about two boys on a soccer team who reconnect at their team’s summer practice camp. It was a little young for me, which is why I didn’t love it. If I had read it at like, fifteen I probably would have been a lot more invested in it. It was cute though. I just, don’t really connect with a character worried about graduating high school anymore. It’s a little harder to get into. (ya fiction)

Rush by Lisa Patton (3/5)

This book is about girls and their moms going through sorority rush at the university of Mississippi, which is an incredible concept. Sorority rush is fascinating, and dramatic, and cutthroat. However, this book, especially the second half, stops being about the drama of rush and starts being “white girls discover racism and then decide to fix it.” They do fix, by the end of the book. Don’t worry, the white girls do solve racism. The parts of this book that were about rush were great, the parts that attempted to be about race were just, borderline painful. I think this is probably what would have passed for a “brave” book about race in like, 2011. Except it was written in 2018. (adult fiction)

[yougurtella]

hot take (or tea) of the day from me:

Both apple and raven want what they want and would do mostly anything to get it (mostly apple, but i’ll explain raven later).

Apple White is ambitious, maybe not always, but definitely with the things she wants. She wants people to be safe, yes, but she also wants to be safe as well. Of course, Apple wants everyone to be safe, that’s why she is destined to be a great Queen for her future kingdom. But do you know why she’s so stuck on her destiny?

If you read The Storybook of Legends by Shannon Hale, we discover that when Apple was young, she fell into a well, and was stuck there for a long time (not super long, probably a few hours, I’m writing this from memory). That scarred her, and as a result, convinced her to think that her destiny is the only thing that can keep her safe (we also know that she was groomed to be a prim and proper destiny-following-princess since she was born, so all her life she’s been convinced her destiny is the only way to live). Same with following the rules. If you follow the rules, you’re bound to stay out of trouble and safe and sound, right? And as we’ve seen, Apple will do anything to stay safe. She was instructed to pretty much manipulate Raven into following her destiny, and even tried to follow through with it (she also joined Raven on her journey to find clues about the sisters that disappeared after legacy day when refusing to follow their destinies. all throughout that journey, Apple is also trying to convince Raven her story is the one she needs to follow). She is constantly questioning Raven, trying to find a fault in her thinking (these are the only examples i can think of right now, but if you have any more, feel free to mention some). And we get to Dragon Games. Apple meets the Evil Queen, who manipulates Apple into breaking her out of the mirror (you can find a clip of it on youtube, or netflix):

Evil Queen: “Oh I’m sorry, I thought maybe you were like your mother. When her time came, your mother embraced her fairytale destiny. She did whatever it took.”

Apple: “I am not afraid. I will do whatever it takes. And I am like my mother, and my destiny is mine!”

Just noting how she reacted to what the evil queen said. she could have brushed it off, or have said, “i may be like my mother, but i don’t want you to be an option to help me achieve my destiny”. but Apple reacted so...so angrily. She just burst into aggression and threw the Apple at the mirror.

We also see that Snow White tries manipulating Apple into forcing others to follow her destiny. (“Perhaps there is some way you could nudge Raven towards evil?...remember, she’s still her mother’s daughter!”) I have a feeling Snow’s been doing this ever since Apple could comprehend words. Apple definitely seems like she would’ve been that annoying kid on the playground that would’ve been like “You need to follow your destiny or else I’m telling the teacher!”

Anyways, Apple has definitely had some hard times, (which don’t justify her actions, but could have led her to realize that she needs to change. not just for the heck of it, but to become a better person; to become a better queen. also jesus, if EAH wasn’t cancelled she would’ve had an amazing character arc i just know it—) but anyway. She’s had some traumatic moments in her past, and we’ve only seen a glimpse of how Snow White raised her, there’s definitely some stiff linings in that relationship. It seems more like a business relationship than a loving Mother-Daughter one.

Which leads me to Raven Queen. If you read the books, you’ll also know that throughout Raven’s life, she’s always questioned destiny, and instead has used the word “choice” in her vocabulary. Her mother has seemed to be absent most of the time, whether because she was in “evil meetings”, doing Queen duty, or being trapped in her mirror. I don’t think that has impacted Raven’s opinion on destiny, the only way it’s impacted her it’s probably the absence of love from a mother. Raven doesn’t like her destiny because she knows she has it in her that she couldn’t go through with evil-doing. We know that too (especially in WTW, when Apple tells her “This isn’t you, you’re about choosing your destiny, and breaking binds and whatever” and Raven goes back to normal).

Anyways, back to Raven possibly being a Slytherin.

She’s also demonstrated that she’s ambitious, I mean, she entered a talent show wanting to perform a (quote on quote from Headmaster Grimm) “non-evil” song, and stuck with it until Sparrow got to her. She’s always letting people know they have a choice (maybe sometimes a little forcefully, but it’s not as bad as Apple). She even went on a journey (in the Storybook of Legends by Shannon Hale), sneaking out of the school, breaking multiple rules, to prove that you don’t “poof” when you refuse to follow your prewritten story. She’s quick to correct people on the fact that she won’t be following her destiny; but Legacy Day is a bigger example of her ambition. She knew about the legends and rumors of your demise when refusing to follow in the footsteps of your parents, yet took that chance anyways, putting many peoples lives into harms way (granted, it never happened, but they didn’t know whether they’d poof or not). That’s hardcore though. Imagine making a choice about your life, that could have people’s lives be ruined, or worse, dispelled (haha get it? dis-spelled?), and you take the route of putting people in harm’s or deaths way. Thats incredibly selfish, but also quite heroic. (there’s so many discussions to be held about the ethics of EAH, i’m so mad the fandom isn’t bigger because we could have so many videos and essays about this wonderful story) Raven took a stand, feeling ambitious enough to say “No” to a predetermined life. Round of applause for her.

I’ve realized that i’ve probably written more about Apple (because she is one of my favorites), and I didn’t have a lot of evidence for Raven, just feelings and opinions. But anyway, this was mostly for fun and to procrastinate on schoolwork lmao.

Keep in mind this was just a fun silly thing to do, to start a friendly and respectful discussion. I don’t want any people saying how Apple is a horrible person and how she’d be say “all lives matter” and be a white supremacist. She wouldn’t. Her destiny is to be there for others, and to be the kindest and fairest in the land.

So maybe Raven would be a Gryffindor instead. Apple could easily be a Gryffindor as well, heck, I see both Raven and Apple being in any of the houses in Hogwarts (it would make sense for Raven to be a RAVENclaw hahahah—ok ill stop). They both have demonstrated key traits for each houses.

So what do you guys think? Would Raven and Apple be Slytherins? Do you have a different house you think they’d suit more?

I honestly think that if EAH and Hogwarts had a crossover, Apple would definitely convince Headmaster Grimm and the Sorting Hat to place Raven in the same house as her (because you know, she wants Raven to follow her destiny). I also think it’d be a funny bit.

[fishwishkiss]

Enno Cheng "2021 完人線上Tour 演唱會Live" review: A hug with your best friend, 73 minutes and 32 seconds long

光, I'm as scared as you are, but we can find the answer together [...] Walk with care. In a little while, you'll see the light. Language barrier is one of the oldest struggles of our world, as I believe communication is what makes us human, and despite all of our attempts to break it (Esperanto, Blissymbols), it seems like we'll be stuck with these 1000+ hours of practice forever. Even before now, at an early age, I was drawn into languages. English was the subject I excelled in at school and it was only a matter of time until I became fluent. Then, around 11 years old, I watched a YouTube video about Korean and fell in love, though it took me 9 years to finally get to learning it. Around 16 years old came Russian, that I unfortunately gave up on very quickly. Chinese and Arabic came right after, these ones I haven't tried to learn yet. Languages have always been a very important part of my life, especially when it comes to music. I've always listened to more music in a foreign language than in French, or sometimes even English. I've always been confronted to language barrier and even if I'm very thankful for translations, I sometimes felt deeply sad for not being able to understand the lyrics like a native person. But I feel that with time, I started to see language barrier as a form of art itself. Unable to understand the words, I feel like I can go beyond them, and actually understand more than the natives. In Cowboy Bebop, there is an episode where Spike helps a young man who stole a very rare flower that could cure his sister who turned blind when she was still a child. Unfortunately, the young man dies, and Spike decides to pay a visit to his sister at the hospital, where she will receive a treatment very soon. The sister, though blind, understands that her brother has died, and asks Spike what he looked like, to which he answers "Why would you ask that? You're the only one who saw him as he truly was". This is sometimes what it feels like not to be able to understand a language. See, I don't speak Mandarin, but these lyrics resonate with me. In this album, Enno Cheng was able to build a space wherein the language barrier disappears. Of course, words, lyrics, are melodies, and these resonate with me as well. Enno Cheng's voice is one of the most beautiful voices I've ever heard, probably right behind Faye Wong's one. With and through her voice, she allowed me to close my eyes, open my ears, and let myself go, following the sweet path drawn by each of her words. Naturally, I read some translations of her track titles and lyrics, and I have to say that her writing is such that even her translations are a beautiful gift to my heart, but what truly touched and moved me was something else, something beyond words, melodies, translations. I tried to, but I cannot put any words on what I felt. In the song I quoted in my introduction, 光, at precisely 3:04, come my favorite 6 seconds of this 73 minutes and 32 seconds album. When I first listened to it, this very moment, when she unleashes all the power of her voice, was when I let my tears fall. There is something hidden in this 6 seconds that is just waiting to be discovered and taken care of. As a person suffering from depression at a very high level, I often feel the need to be discovered and taken care of, no matter how well surrounded I am by my friends. Feeling 100% safe, listened, understood, is something almost unreachable for me. But I feel like this album gets me. Though going from obsession to obsession and listening to the same few songs over and over until I get bored and move to a few other songs, I often feel the need to listen to this album from the very first to the very last second. I guess the smooth transitions between each tracks really help, but what truly pushes me to do so is how safe I feel when I listen to this album. I'm in an undefined entity's arms, eyes closed, and everything is fine. The world has stopped, and so did my heart, my pulse, my breath, nothing matters anymore. This album is the friend I can always rely on, with no shame of being a burden, the friend I can talk to, with no fear of second hand embarrassment because I might have overshared. This album is what could be called a best friend. The funny thing is that you could expect the album to be your best friend talking to you for more than 70 minutes, with its music, but the album is actually the one listening to you. I always talk about music on the emotional spectrum, and not much the technical one, but I have to mention how perfect this album is when it comes to sequencing. Never is a bit exaggerated, but never in my life I have heard a more beautifully written live show. The songs follow each other perfectly, and the textures, the rearrangements of each song, the quality of the sound ; everything about this live album is perfect. I don't speak Mandarin, but the lyrics that couldn't reach my brain eventually reached my heart and soul, and soothed them.